— (via jumpscare)
Last night I had a pretty intense, realistic dream. I didn’t know if I was alive or dead; I was in the afterlife. I had a bunch of my friends with me though, but people I haven’t seen in a while. It was a nice white cottage. Christmas lights outside on the porch lighting it up. A long white table, everyone enjoying tea. I questioned everything. Am I alive? Is this what happens when you die? I wasn’t quite sure. But it was comforting. Finally I asked someone, after observing people for a while, “Do you like it here? Are you comfortable? Do you wish you were alive, and could go home?”. They answered with, and I quote, “I like it here. You have time to focus on yourself, but you never heal. I make it a point to go back and visit once a year.”
So, you go back and visit? What do you mean? I didn’t get it. I guess after a while, you want to check up. Go see how everyone you used to know is doing. Family, friends. Maybe thats what that weird chill is you get sometimes. Or when you’re sitting alone and you feel something staring at the back of your neck. You turn, nothings there. These people coming to visit you; to check up. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
The reason I bold that statement is because when she said that, she showed me a scar. And I don’t even know who “she” was. All along her rib cage was a big piece of flesh missing, underneath her white flowy shirt. I didn’t understand. I knew I had to be somewhere else, I was dead. This was it. I was comfortable.
And then I woke up.
I felt weird this morning. Really off. But I think that I learned something.
"In the moment of mindfulness, there is no suffering. I can’t find any suffering in mindfulness; it’s impossible; there’s absolutely none. But when there’s heedlessness, there is a lot of suffering in my mind. If I give in to grasping things, to wanting things, to following emotions or doubts and worries and being caught up in things like that—then there is suffering. It all begins from my grasping. But when there is mindfulness and right understanding, then I can’t find any suffering at all in this moment, now. This is about this moment here and now. It’s not about whether suffering exists as a kind of metaphysic or abstraction or theory of suffering. We’re not talking about suffering as a theory or an idea, but as an actual experience, here and now. There might be physical pain, but if we’re mindful, we reflect on this as: There is pain. It’s like this. But then we don’t create aversion around it; so there’s no suffering. If we have a fever or cancer or anything that people think is suffering, and then we’re mindful, there is no suffering in that moment. When there is heedlessness, we might worry or be caught in despair and negative states towards it. But at any moment of mindfulness and understanding, there is no suffering.”
Wondering when I’m going to meet someone worth while. Fucking damnit. I always fall for the wrong people. Will I ever be with someone meaningful?
— Jeff Buckley, on moving to New York (via terrible)